Life is complicated. I hate that. Why can’t everything be easy-peasy all the time? Unfortunately for us, life just loves to throw those wrenches. It’s like a toddler splashing through the puddles of your plans, laughing manically while water goes everywhere. There is something that we can do to regain control though! When life gives you uncertainty, make optimism out of tough circumstances.
If you haven’t already guessed, I’ve got a lot of things weighing on my mind this morning.
Recently, we got some bad news. Or good news.
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how to process the news. I’ll go with ‘big.’ It’s big news, and still very fresh.
Connor may have an opportunity to travel internationally for work. He’s been dying for a change and struggling with his day to day in the office, so I wasn’t entirely shocked when he jumped at this new prospect. I wasn’t shocked either that he seemed so excited and ready to jet off to parts unknown.
And that’s the part that’s good. He craves adventure, he needs it, and this is perfect for him. I’m happy for his opportunity, I’m happy that he even has this chance. He’s been talking about wanting to move lately, I just assumed we’d stay in the country.
The bad news is that he’s leaving for a country that I probably can’t follow him to. Not only that, but it’s over a 24 hour flight away. We’ve casually tossed logistics back and forth. He’ll visit once a month when he can, I’ll stay in our house with Sparta.
Then came the shocker. I was thinking in terms of months, or a year, but this could last up to five years.
Five whole years of uncertainty, of waiting, of getting glimpses of him when I can. Five years of living in a lonely house that was meant for the three of us.
We’ve done the whole long distance thing after meeting in college. When we finally moved in together two years ago, I thought we’d put that painful part of our life behind us.
But you can’t say no to adventure, and you can’t keep someone from their adventure.
Last night, we stayed up late to watch the meteor shower together. But living in Florida meant ungodly heat and an ungodly amount of mosquitos. After seeing two meteors in thirty minutes, we called it a night.
Sparta woke up at 4:30 this morning to do her morning sprint around our bed before settling down between us, but I was already awake. My mind was churning too much to fall back asleep so I decided to take her outside and see if the sky was clear.
The weather was nice and cool. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. I think I sat out there for over an hour and luckily enough for me, there were plenty of shooting stars passing by. I had a lot of wishes I needed to make.
I spent a restless night thinking about optimism and how difficult it can be to keep positive thinking a priority when life throws big wrenches into your plans. It was only a week or so ago that Connor and I were talking and joking about our future plans together, where we’d be in a year or two, and what our relationship would look like.
Now, everything just seems confused and a little hopeless. Our plans were meaningless if this adventure for Connor comes into fruition. I’ve been doing my best to frame it in my mind as something thrilling and exciting for him, since that’s already how he sees it. He’ll be in an all new place doing all new things. It’s an adventure.
Adventure can mean so many things. Adventures can be exciting and life changing, but they can be scary and daunting as well. It’s the perfect description really.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that things are rarely as bad as they seem.
Usually, the mountains in the distance really do turn out to be just mole hills. I’m clinging to my confidence that this is the case. I’m clinging to the idea that we will both handle this drastic life change with grace and poise, though those are the furthest words from describing me that I can think of!
I’ve anxiously reread words I’ve written on finding happiness, hoping that there’s some secret in there that will soothe away all my fears. But there isn’t.
Change is scary, but it’s rarely bad. I’m old enough to understand that now. Even though my heart is a little heavier than it was two days ago, I know that we can do this. The amount of opportunities that will come from this are endless. We talked about moving me to Europe so I’d be closer to him, but even then we’d still be in separate countries living separate lives. I don’t know anyone in Europe, my life is here. His life is here, in our tiny little house that he’ll leave behind for this adventure.
The hardest part about life changing plans on you, is that it doesn’t consult you first. It doesn’t give you a heads up or a comforting hug. It’s a phone call that you weren’t expecting while you’re drinking your morning cup of coffee. It’s receiving an excited text and watching those three little typing dots that are about to rock your world.
It’s easy to slip into negativity. It’s easy to become angry and hostile. It’s easy to fume and balk at the thought of the person you love the most leaving on their own little adventure.
But they deserve adventure, and you do too. Make the most out of every single day you spend with someone. Enjoy the quiet moments together that seem so unimportant now. Enjoy the feeling of their weight on the other side of the bed, or making breakfast together, or that lingering hug before work. Everything works out in the end. Everything will be okay. Love will always win.
Face the world with a positive mind and things will all into place.
That’s my mantra today, and tomorrow, and for the next couple of weeks while he waits excitedly and I wait anxiously.
We can do this. It’ll be alright. I’m positive.
How do you handle difficult life choices?